sarcasm needs its own font
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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