Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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