oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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