He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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