Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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