I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
