She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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