I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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