cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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