My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
