yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
