i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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