I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
