that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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