she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
