New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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