he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
