just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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