guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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