At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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