I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
worst night to have a conscience
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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