So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
