i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
