brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
