Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
