There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
