You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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