I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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