My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
