shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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