My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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