hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
