Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
