Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
