Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize