Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
