People with herpes should wear stickers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
