I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize