What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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