No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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