dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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