Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
