Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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