You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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