I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
