you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
