so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
