i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
