I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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