There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
