I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no, he came in my armpit
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
