dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize