we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
