You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
