So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
