you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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