i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
