why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
