Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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