he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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