SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Do I have a choice?
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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