I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
