Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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