I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
