my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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