I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize