you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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