Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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