im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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