she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
