You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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