I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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