Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
