Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
