u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
